“We are their mother and father.” That is only half true. Hannah would be that baby’s mother in every way. She would be their biological mother, their gestational or birth mother, and their social mother. But you would only be their social father. That is nothing. It is beautiful to care for a child. There is no doubt that you would make a wonderful father. But children do not just need love. They need their mother and father, the two halves of their identity.
"That is nothing." I'm pretty sure you meant to say that is NOT nothing here...
I heartily recommend reading the book "Brave New Humans", written by a woman who didn't find out she was conceived using donor sperm until she was an adult. She explores this issue in great detail and spoke to many adults about the effect of this in their lives. It is profound, even for those who were raised in loving homes with fully engaged parents.
Sometimes we just have to accept that a dearly held desire is not going to happen for us and that life isn't fair.
To this couple, I completely understand. My awesome hubby lived as a quadriplegic, and it sounds similar. After everything, I believe it was/is me. They would need to tell their children how they came to be. Be honest. From what has been shared, we don’t know who has been struggling with conceiving. My late husband and I went to a reproductive urologist specialist who took his sperm from his testes and then put it with one of my eggs, and then inserted into my uterus. Sadly, he or she only grew a little, and so hard. The first time, three littles were growing but stopped and then they were not big enough to put in me. There are also snow flake adoptions. We couldn’t afoot because Florida law. He had a record but nothing with kids. And I didn’t want donor because I wanted them to look like both of us.
The key difference is intent. Adoptions are necessary by tragedy (and sometimes irresponsibility) but not willfully intended by the biological parents. Adoption is a way to partially restore a child's right to a mother and father and a safe environment to grow up in.
IVF and gamete donation are intentionally cutting a child off from a biological parent at the very beginning. One can 'unintentionally' conceive a child' but no one accidentally trips and falls into a Fertility clinic and gets an IVF impregnation.
“We are their mother and father.” That is only half true. Hannah would be that baby’s mother in every way. She would be their biological mother, their gestational or birth mother, and their social mother. But you would only be their social father. That is nothing. It is beautiful to care for a child. There is no doubt that you would make a wonderful father. But children do not just need love. They need their mother and father, the two halves of their identity.
"That is nothing." I'm pretty sure you meant to say that is NOT nothing here...
I thought the same thing.
Excellent article! Praying that they make the right decision.
I heartily recommend reading the book "Brave New Humans", written by a woman who didn't find out she was conceived using donor sperm until she was an adult. She explores this issue in great detail and spoke to many adults about the effect of this in their lives. It is profound, even for those who were raised in loving homes with fully engaged parents.
Sometimes we just have to accept that a dearly held desire is not going to happen for us and that life isn't fair.
To this couple, I completely understand. My awesome hubby lived as a quadriplegic, and it sounds similar. After everything, I believe it was/is me. They would need to tell their children how they came to be. Be honest. From what has been shared, we don’t know who has been struggling with conceiving. My late husband and I went to a reproductive urologist specialist who took his sperm from his testes and then put it with one of my eggs, and then inserted into my uterus. Sadly, he or she only grew a little, and so hard. The first time, three littles were growing but stopped and then they were not big enough to put in me. There are also snow flake adoptions. We couldn’t afoot because Florida law. He had a record but nothing with kids. And I didn’t want donor because I wanted them to look like both of us.
Praying for them.
I understand what you are saying here, but so much of what you say could also be an argument against adoption.
Like what?
The key difference is intent. Adoptions are necessary by tragedy (and sometimes irresponsibility) but not willfully intended by the biological parents. Adoption is a way to partially restore a child's right to a mother and father and a safe environment to grow up in.
IVF and gamete donation are intentionally cutting a child off from a biological parent at the very beginning. One can 'unintentionally' conceive a child' but no one accidentally trips and falls into a Fertility clinic and gets an IVF impregnation.
What about using a known donor
Committed to having n appropriate social supportive relationship with the child including allowing for bonds with grandparents and half-siblings?