Man, I’ve been there. Very well written, thank you!
I wonder if it’s left over from the old days when dads weren’t even let in the rooms at all, and would just be called in after the birth. Maybe the mentality of the nurses is that we’re infringing on their domain or something.
The big cultural change of course, as you end on, is that in those old days, men might not have been allowed in the birthing room but they were at least married to the moms! These days, if dad isn’t in a strong forever marriage, treating him like unwanted waste is not a wise long term strategy…
This is one reason why home birth needs to make a comeback. My husband is my "support person" to use the term positively. Not the midwife, not a doula... my husband. We made the baby together and he is the one who steps up and does what needs to be done when I need it. Now, this very much depends on men stepping up and actually taking responsibility; if my husband let himself become an anxious wreck during birth and spiraled me down with him, then he wouldn't be someone I could rely on. But he has educated himself about birth AND what kind of support I need from him and he is responsible enough to step up and be my rock. I truly believe that kind of birth experience makes a nearly unbreakable marriage and bond.
What you are saying is true. However, in many respects, and for many reasons, men have run to thr margins of fatherhood. In the US, as of 2023, 40% of America children were born put of wedlock. And many of thr bio dads don't want tobe there. They don't want to take responsibility. And that that is a whole different issue.
Good point. Men, when given responsibility, are wired by God to 'Step Up'. Every guy is scared witless in the delivery room and to a lesser extent prenatal care. The healthcare provider should be pushing him to be who he was meant to be, not pushing/enabling him to be distant. Born out of wedlock or not, dad is still dad and the child needs him to step up.
This is another unfortunate consequence of feminism. Men are told they are not needed - women are just as good as them in any role - so men just check out.
I appreciate you standing on a ledge for men. I experienced all those things raising my two daughters starting with my wife having an emergency c section near two months early. I wrote something myself about life as a work at home dad.
Yes, the husband or partner should not be made to feel that he is invisible, however, perhaps part of the reason questions are addressed to the laboring woman is because she is the patient and the child she is laboring to bring forth is still attached to her. It doesn’t matter what plans you have made together before she went into labor or the fact that you helped create the child. Once she is in labor, it is her immediate wishes and needs that will be addressed. If mom changes her mind and wants medication where she didn’t before, the previous plan is meaningless. She is the patient with whom the nurse will interact. Sorry. Deal with it. Labor is dynamic and she is the patient. And nurses aren’t waitresses. Be a big boy. Go find the ice.
Man, I’ve been there. Very well written, thank you!
I wonder if it’s left over from the old days when dads weren’t even let in the rooms at all, and would just be called in after the birth. Maybe the mentality of the nurses is that we’re infringing on their domain or something.
The big cultural change of course, as you end on, is that in those old days, men might not have been allowed in the birthing room but they were at least married to the moms! These days, if dad isn’t in a strong forever marriage, treating him like unwanted waste is not a wise long term strategy…
This is one reason why home birth needs to make a comeback. My husband is my "support person" to use the term positively. Not the midwife, not a doula... my husband. We made the baby together and he is the one who steps up and does what needs to be done when I need it. Now, this very much depends on men stepping up and actually taking responsibility; if my husband let himself become an anxious wreck during birth and spiraled me down with him, then he wouldn't be someone I could rely on. But he has educated himself about birth AND what kind of support I need from him and he is responsible enough to step up and be my rock. I truly believe that kind of birth experience makes a nearly unbreakable marriage and bond.
What you are saying is true. However, in many respects, and for many reasons, men have run to thr margins of fatherhood. In the US, as of 2023, 40% of America children were born put of wedlock. And many of thr bio dads don't want tobe there. They don't want to take responsibility. And that that is a whole different issue.
Good point. Men, when given responsibility, are wired by God to 'Step Up'. Every guy is scared witless in the delivery room and to a lesser extent prenatal care. The healthcare provider should be pushing him to be who he was meant to be, not pushing/enabling him to be distant. Born out of wedlock or not, dad is still dad and the child needs him to step up.
This is another unfortunate consequence of feminism. Men are told they are not needed - women are just as good as them in any role - so men just check out.
I appreciate you standing on a ledge for men. I experienced all those things raising my two daughters starting with my wife having an emergency c section near two months early. I wrote something myself about life as a work at home dad.
https://substack.com/@lovethroughtruth/note/p-202276078?r=4mze64&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action
You are absolutely right that this is by design!!! There are lots of rabbit holes here. Not enough space here for me to even start.
Yes, the husband or partner should not be made to feel that he is invisible, however, perhaps part of the reason questions are addressed to the laboring woman is because she is the patient and the child she is laboring to bring forth is still attached to her. It doesn’t matter what plans you have made together before she went into labor or the fact that you helped create the child. Once she is in labor, it is her immediate wishes and needs that will be addressed. If mom changes her mind and wants medication where she didn’t before, the previous plan is meaningless. She is the patient with whom the nurse will interact. Sorry. Deal with it. Labor is dynamic and she is the patient. And nurses aren’t waitresses. Be a big boy. Go find the ice.
Obergefell and all the other jewish subversion in our culture is unraveling but Them Before Us isn’t ready for that cold reality convo yet.