My mom "came out" and both she and my dad went through a series of new romantic relationships while my sister and I were left to pick up the pieces of our family
I want more children to grow up with the 2 parent privilege. I did, and my family of origin had its quirks but nothing like what Blake describes. I sometimes wonder what I have “accomplished “ with my very respected college/grad degrees by staying home when our 3 kids arrived later in life. So grateful I was able to do so…but now that they are in college, these questions come up unbidden. Yet making and keeping a happy and stable home is significant, even if there are no public accolades.
I am sorry for your experience. I experienced much loss through my parent’s divorce and I identified with the chaos you described. I only bring up my experience to say that I understand a little bit. The only positive from the divorce was it sent me searching for meaning and relief and I only found it in the God of the Bible.
In fact, your grandmother reminded me of the poor widow. What a beautiful woman and how blessed she must’ve been to know you in only the way you know a child you are raising.
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable thing about yourself. Many people will be helped by your voice!
And for fun:
And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. 43 And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. 44 For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.” (Mark 12:42–44, ESV, https://ref.ly/Mk12.42-44;esv)
This essay reminds me why I hate this culture. All I wanted growing up was to be normal, but my dysfunctional family made that impossible. They did the best they could, but they were also selfish people. That affected their choices a lot.
I hate how society celebrates the weird and the freak, but demeans ‘normal’. A lot of us fight for ‘normal’ every day as we know the chaos that comes when people lose their damn minds and go off the reservation of ‘normal’. My son has no idea how crazy his life could be and we made decisions to make sure he didn’t have to.
I married a guy who I didn’t have to explain that kind of chaos to because he had experienced it himself as a kid. Dating ‘normal’ guys was hard because they’d ask ‘why questions’ and a lot of times you didn’t know why things were the way they were, but knew you needed to survive.
It’s really hard not to be selfish in a culture that tells you that it’s all about you and nothing else matters.
Yeah, the essay brought up feelings, but people need to know that the kids don’t just get over these things and are 100%adaptable and accepting. They may look okay, but in many cases, they aren’t. They’ll go along, but that’s because they can’t imagine life w/o mom and/or dad. It’s not like they want to be there, in that situation, most of the time. Kids learn to check out and disassociate. For me, it was books, TV (and movies), music and writing. Escapism at its best.
I am very sorry that you experienced this—no child should have to.
Tragically, this is not the only story out there.
Marriage is NOT about adults; it IS about the children.
We no longer teach this to our children, nor do we teach it in our schools.
And forget the media, with its perverse, pathological programs focused on hedonic pleasures.
I want more children to grow up with the 2 parent privilege. I did, and my family of origin had its quirks but nothing like what Blake describes. I sometimes wonder what I have “accomplished “ with my very respected college/grad degrees by staying home when our 3 kids arrived later in life. So grateful I was able to do so…but now that they are in college, these questions come up unbidden. Yet making and keeping a happy and stable home is significant, even if there are no public accolades.
I am sorry for your experience. I experienced much loss through my parent’s divorce and I identified with the chaos you described. I only bring up my experience to say that I understand a little bit. The only positive from the divorce was it sent me searching for meaning and relief and I only found it in the God of the Bible.
In fact, your grandmother reminded me of the poor widow. What a beautiful woman and how blessed she must’ve been to know you in only the way you know a child you are raising.
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable thing about yourself. Many people will be helped by your voice!
And for fun:
And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. 43 And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. 44 For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.” (Mark 12:42–44, ESV, https://ref.ly/Mk12.42-44;esv)
This essay reminds me why I hate this culture. All I wanted growing up was to be normal, but my dysfunctional family made that impossible. They did the best they could, but they were also selfish people. That affected their choices a lot.
I hate how society celebrates the weird and the freak, but demeans ‘normal’. A lot of us fight for ‘normal’ every day as we know the chaos that comes when people lose their damn minds and go off the reservation of ‘normal’. My son has no idea how crazy his life could be and we made decisions to make sure he didn’t have to.
I married a guy who I didn’t have to explain that kind of chaos to because he had experienced it himself as a kid. Dating ‘normal’ guys was hard because they’d ask ‘why questions’ and a lot of times you didn’t know why things were the way they were, but knew you needed to survive.
It’s really hard not to be selfish in a culture that tells you that it’s all about you and nothing else matters.
Yeah, the essay brought up feelings, but people need to know that the kids don’t just get over these things and are 100%adaptable and accepting. They may look okay, but in many cases, they aren’t. They’ll go along, but that’s because they can’t imagine life w/o mom and/or dad. It’s not like they want to be there, in that situation, most of the time. Kids learn to check out and disassociate. For me, it was books, TV (and movies), music and writing. Escapism at its best.
A classic case of a narcissistic mother.