This is a story that I have heard so many times as a therapist. It is tragic. The needs of children have been entirely subjugated to the entitlement and expectations ode to adults, with devastating and destructive results. I wish Stephanie the very best – the cycle can be broken. My own father proved it is possible.
And the newspapers I read are full of city journalists telling everyone to centre their own desires and boot any spouse who stirs their coffee wrong. To heck with the children.
Folks I help direct www.naturalfamilystrong.com and cannot tell you how inspirational Them Before Us has been to myself as well as our organization. We talk about a best practice and the #1 rule for that practice is "a child's rights must supersede their parents desires" Bravo to you Katy, Josh and Jennifer.
Stephanie, my heart breaks for you. Thank you so much for sharing your hard, hard story.
How blessed is the world that you took this pain and turned it into the motivation to build a happy family of your own, and to professionally advocate to the rights of children to their natal families.
I hope your parents may realize the loss they have wreaked on their own lives and souls before they die. But that’s not your problem.
This is tragic. We as a culture rue how people were shamed for divorce but this is beyond the pale -- and shaming it needs to make a comeback.
It seems too that the writers' parents may as well have stayed married to one another. In my own trajectory through the serial monogamy maze, no man ever really was much of an improvement over the other (although honestly...cutting and running was not without serious provocation).
I have so many stories of serious dysfunction around family formation and rearing kids -- no one who says "we don't want to go back to the 50s" knows what the hell they're talking about. I am Generation Jones; I was a child when everyone in my town was growing up with two parents and mostly fairly large families. Then came the 70s and with it -- chaos. One close friend's mother divorced their really nice father to take up with a creep who was creepy with my friend and her sister, which ended in divorce. That mother did not improve upon their father in any way. And she was always depressed...
I now have friends who had babies from hookups, tell the guy they don't need him, and then decide it's too expensive and go after him for child support and the home-swapping routine.
This is untenable folks. People need to grow the f up.
Such a tragedy. Thank you for sharing and opening our eyes to the truth that even through healing and choosing not to repeat the mistakes of your parents, you will forever carry the scars of the wounds their decision inflicted. And those scars echo through generations.
My heart hurts for you. I could relate to so much. It took many years a sadness until I found Biblical counseling dealing with loss and trauma. It was a hard journey but I'm finally set free and could forgive my deceased parents. When we know better, we do better. You can do better for your children. Prayers going up for your healing.
This woman’s story is sad but obviously her parents sucked and they would have sucked if they were divorced or not. Divorce is not the story here, bad parenting is.
I’m seeing this same dynamic play out with my nephew. Every 2-3 years a new boyfriend gets introduced to everyone in the family and then discarded. I wouldn’t care if it weren’t for the fact that my nephew gets attached to these men. I don’t understand why she can’t see her boyfriends on her weeks without my nephew…
Thank you for sharing your story, I can relate very much! I am only recently (at 39) and after years of therapy seeing how this has affected how I approach relationships with other people. I have a lot of trouble reciprocating and fear of rejection. At least it is coming into the light. You are so strong, so loved, and you are breaking the cycle for your own children - may you find healing in that!
The difference between Substack and mainstream journalism is that there's no standards for verification. We have a great story here, and an AI generated photo. Is Stephanie real? Or just a mishmash of stories about how divorce can hurt kids put into ChatGPT.
I'm not saying you don't have a case against some no fault divorces, but we should always read critically and demand verification.
You never had a home. My parents divorced when I was 15, so at least I can remember what having a home felt like. The best we can do is forgive our parents and do better for our children.
This is a story that I have heard so many times as a therapist. It is tragic. The needs of children have been entirely subjugated to the entitlement and expectations ode to adults, with devastating and destructive results. I wish Stephanie the very best – the cycle can be broken. My own father proved it is possible.
And the newspapers I read are full of city journalists telling everyone to centre their own desires and boot any spouse who stirs their coffee wrong. To heck with the children.
No one says this.
Oh yes they do. Constantly.
Thank you Stephanie for sharing your story. I'm going to be sharing it with my followers (and critics) at the Ruth Institute.
Blessings on you.
Your friend
Dr. Morse
Folks I help direct www.naturalfamilystrong.com and cannot tell you how inspirational Them Before Us has been to myself as well as our organization. We talk about a best practice and the #1 rule for that practice is "a child's rights must supersede their parents desires" Bravo to you Katy, Josh and Jennifer.
Stephanie, my heart breaks for you. Thank you so much for sharing your hard, hard story.
How blessed is the world that you took this pain and turned it into the motivation to build a happy family of your own, and to professionally advocate to the rights of children to their natal families.
I hope your parents may realize the loss they have wreaked on their own lives and souls before they die. But that’s not your problem.
This is tragic. We as a culture rue how people were shamed for divorce but this is beyond the pale -- and shaming it needs to make a comeback.
It seems too that the writers' parents may as well have stayed married to one another. In my own trajectory through the serial monogamy maze, no man ever really was much of an improvement over the other (although honestly...cutting and running was not without serious provocation).
I have so many stories of serious dysfunction around family formation and rearing kids -- no one who says "we don't want to go back to the 50s" knows what the hell they're talking about. I am Generation Jones; I was a child when everyone in my town was growing up with two parents and mostly fairly large families. Then came the 70s and with it -- chaos. One close friend's mother divorced their really nice father to take up with a creep who was creepy with my friend and her sister, which ended in divorce. That mother did not improve upon their father in any way. And she was always depressed...
I now have friends who had babies from hookups, tell the guy they don't need him, and then decide it's too expensive and go after him for child support and the home-swapping routine.
This is untenable folks. People need to grow the f up.
Such a tragedy. Thank you for sharing and opening our eyes to the truth that even through healing and choosing not to repeat the mistakes of your parents, you will forever carry the scars of the wounds their decision inflicted. And those scars echo through generations.
My heart hurts for you. I could relate to so much. It took many years a sadness until I found Biblical counseling dealing with loss and trauma. It was a hard journey but I'm finally set free and could forgive my deceased parents. When we know better, we do better. You can do better for your children. Prayers going up for your healing.
This woman’s story is sad but obviously her parents sucked and they would have sucked if they were divorced or not. Divorce is not the story here, bad parenting is.
I’m seeing this same dynamic play out with my nephew. Every 2-3 years a new boyfriend gets introduced to everyone in the family and then discarded. I wouldn’t care if it weren’t for the fact that my nephew gets attached to these men. I don’t understand why she can’t see her boyfriends on her weeks without my nephew…
Thankyou for sharing. Sadly an all too common scenario. The selfishness of some parents knows no bounds - shame on yours.
Thank you for sharing your story, I can relate very much! I am only recently (at 39) and after years of therapy seeing how this has affected how I approach relationships with other people. I have a lot of trouble reciprocating and fear of rejection. At least it is coming into the light. You are so strong, so loved, and you are breaking the cycle for your own children - may you find healing in that!
Thank you for sharing. I hope You find the healing you deserve.
The difference between Substack and mainstream journalism is that there's no standards for verification. We have a great story here, and an AI generated photo. Is Stephanie real? Or just a mishmash of stories about how divorce can hurt kids put into ChatGPT.
I'm not saying you don't have a case against some no fault divorces, but we should always read critically and demand verification.
Stephanie, I am soooo very sorry! 😢
You never had a home. My parents divorced when I was 15, so at least I can remember what having a home felt like. The best we can do is forgive our parents and do better for our children.