Gay Marriage Won't Leave The Kids Alone

How redefining marriage redefined parenthood and the family.

When you redefine marriage, you redefine parenthood. When husbands and wives become optional in marriage law, mothers and fathers become optional in parenthood law.

How do you know? Because 38 countries around the world have legalized same-sex marriage. None of them has reinforced children's right to be known and loved by their mother and father. In fact, it always works in the other direction. It weakens the cultural and legal claim that children belong to their own mother and father. If you read the stories of kids who were denied a relationship with their mother or father, it's clear that the results are often devastating and lifelong.

What Do We Mean by “Redefined”?

Them Before Us opposes the redefinition of marriage not because we oppose LGBT-identified people, but because where gay marriage goes, children’s rights are violated.

Redefining marriage to include same-sex couples means there can be no legal distinction between same-sex couples and opposite sex couples. That includes kids. The gay marriage legal framework necessarily views male/female parenthood as discriminatory. That requires downgrading biology in the parent/child relationship.

Parenting: Biology vs. Intent

A biological connection has been the basis for parenthood in every society and culture throughout history for good reason. A biological connection distinguishes the parent/child relationship from other relationships.

Parental rights expert Melissa Moschella explains,

“The special responsibility that biological parents have for their children is non-transferable because only biological parents can give to their children the benefit of their parental love. The relationship between children and their biological parents is intimate, permanent, and identity-constituting. It defines the biological aspect of the child’s identity—for if the child had different biological parents, he would not be the same person; indeed he would not exist at all.

Children do not miss being loved by those with whom they have no intimate relationship; the unique, irreplaceable intimacy of the parent-child relationship manifests itself in the fact that a child can miss the specific love and care of an absent biological parent, even when he is well-loved by (say) adoptive parents.”

To legally connect children to same-sex adults requires streamlining the detachment of children from biological parents and reattaching them to biological strangers.  So that the adults can be “equal.”

Biology and gender matter in parenting. But in countries where gay marriage has been legalized, the foundation of the parent/child relationship has shifted from a relationship based on biology to one based on “intent”. This shift has resulted in the legal erasure of a child’s fundamental rights to their mother and father. “Intent-based” parenting reflects the desires of adults, not the longings of children. It means that children belong to whichever adults can acquire them and creates a culture, at least legally, where there is no longer an expectation that children should be raised by their own mother and father.

Biology-based parenting views children as vulnerable humans around whom adults should orient their lives. Parenthood by “intent” treats children as a commodity.

Around the World

Marriage and parenthood are intertwined in family law, evidenced by the fact that many countries, including Finland, Luxembourg, France, New Zealand, Argentina, Norway, and the Netherlands, simultaneously redefined marriage and adoption laws to include same-sex couples.

Here are some other examples of how gay marriage has changed the legal landscape for children around the world:

The Netherlands (2000)

• The Netherlands (2000)

  • In December 2000, by a three-to-one margin, the Dutch parliament passed a landmark bill legalizing same-sex marriage, making the Netherlands the first country to do so.

  • The legislation gave same-sex couples the right to marry, divorce, and adopt children.

  • The legislation altered a single sentence in the existing civil marriage statute, which now reads, “A marriage can be contracted by two persons of different sex or of the same sex.”

  • In March of the same year, the Netherlands legalized same-sex joint adoption and step-parent adoption.

  • Since 1970, the country has provided broad access to assisted reproduction technologies, and this access expanded to include individuals and same-sex couples in 2001.

  • A couple wishing to adopt merely has to prove shared residency of a minimum of three years. A legal marriage is not a requirement to adopt.

  • The Netherlands permits altruistic but not commercial surrogacy, and does not require a surrogacy agreement. Parental rights are transferred post-birth through court adoption or recognition.

Belgium (2003)

• Beginning in 1998, the Belgian parliament offered limited rights to same-sex couples through registered partnerships.

• Five years later, in January 2003, under article 143 of the Belgian Civil Code, the Belgian parliament legalized same-sex marriage, giving gay and lesbian couples the same tax, inheritance, and parental rights as heterosexual couples.

• In 2006, further amendments to the Civil Code granted same-sex couples the ability to adopt and granted “full, joint-parental rights.”

Canada (2005)

• Same-sex couples in Canada gained most of the legal benefits of marriage in 2000 when the federal and provincial governments extended common-law marriages to gay and lesbian couples.

• Through a series of court cases beginning in 2003, same-sex marriage gradually became legal in nine of the country’s 13 provinces and territories.

• In 2005, the Canadian Parliament passed the Civil Marriage Act, making same-sex marriage and all adoption rights legal nationwide. Some provinces legalized same-sex joint-parent adoption before this national ruling.

• The Assisted Human Reproduction Act (AHRA) of 2004 permits altruistic surrogacy and allows provinces to legalize their own regulations regarding pre-birth and post-birth parental declarations.

Spain (2005)

• In 2005, Spain became the third country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage, guaranteeing identical rights to all married couples regardless of sexual orientation.

• The new measure added language to the existing marriage statute, which now reads, “Marriage will have the same requirements and results when the two people entering into the contract are of the same sex or of different sexes.”

• The law granted same-sex couples joint adoption and step-parent adoption rights.

South Africa (2006)

• The South African parliament legalized same-sex marriage in November 2006 under the Civil Union Act, becoming the first African country and fifth worldwide to legalize same-sex marriage.

• Before this legal recognition, South Africa constitutionally allowed same-sex couples to jointly adopt or adopt a partner’s child, amending the Child Care Act of the Constitution. In 2005, Article 231 of the Children’s Act allows joint-adoption for any “partners in a permanent domestic life-partnership” or “other persons sharing a common household and forming a permanent family unit.”

• The Children’s Act also legally recognized altruistic surrogacy. Chapter 19 of the act requires at least one intended parent to contribute genetic material, and the surrogate must be approved by the High Court.

Norway (2008)

• Since January 2009, gay couples in Norway have been able to marry, joint-adopt children, and undergo artificial insemination.

• The new law, which was passed in 2008, replaced a 1993 law permitting civil unions.

Sweden (2009)

• In April 2009, the Swedish parliament voted by an overwhelming majority to legalize same-sex marriage through the gender-neutral Marriage Act. Gay couples in Sweden have been allowed to register for civil unions since 1995.

• Even without marriage and via same-sex civil unions, Sweden permitted joint adoption for same-sex couples since an amendment to the Act on Parenting in 2003.

• In 2006, Sweden granted equal access to assisted reproductive technologies (ART) under the Genetic Integrity Act. The act allows couples to access IVF and donor insemination through public healthcare.

Argentina (2010)

• In July 2010, Argentina became the first country in Latin America to legalize same-sex marriage. The Law on Marriage Equality granted same-sex couples who marry all the rights and responsibilities enjoyed by heterosexual couples, including the right to adopt children.

• Argentina lacks any laws regarding surrogacy without any distinction between altruistic and commercial surrogacy. Despite the fact that their Supreme Court ruled in 2024 that the surrogate is the legal mother until intended parents complete an adoption process for the transfer of parentage, the country is still “known as a homosexual-friendly [country]” where same-sex parenting is “easier” and “more convenient.”

Portugal (2010)

• In June 2010, Portugal became the eighth country to legalize same-sex marriage. Its parliament had passed the measure legalizing gay marriage earlier in 2010.

• In April 2010, the Constitutional Court declared the law to be constitutionally valid. It was signed by President Silva in May of that year and took effect one month later.

• In 2016, amendments to the Civil Code granted same-sex couples all adoption rights.

Iceland (2010)

• A measure legalizing same-sex marriage and all marital rights, including adoption, was unanimously passed by the Icelandic legislature in June 2010. Iceland has allowed same-sex couples to register as domestic partners since 1996.

• A decade later, the parliament passed a measure allowing gay couples to adopt children. Since 2006, same-sex couples have had equal adoption rights to heterosexual couples, including both domestic and international adoption.

Denmark (2012)

• In June 2012, Denmark’s legislature passed a bill legalizing gay marriage. The measure was enacted into law a few days later when Queen Margrethe II gave her royal assent to the bill.

• In 1989, Denmark became the first country to allow same-sex couples to register as domestic partners.

• In 2010, Section 5.1 of the Adoption Act allowed gay couples in registered partnerships the right to adopt children.

England and Wales (2013)

• On July 17, 2013, Queen Elizabeth II gave her “royal assent” to the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act, legalizing same-sex marriage in England and Wales.

• The groundwork for this decision had been laid with the passage of the Adoption and Children Act of 2002, which allowed same-sex couples and individuals to adopt.

• Since the legal recognition of same-sex marriage, rates of single women and same-sex female couples using IVF have tripled, often funded through their national health services.

• The Surrogacy Arrangement Act of 1985 permits altruistic surrogacy, not commercial surrogacy. Several high-profile cases of male same-sex couples who acquired children via international surrogacy have resulted in the UK government recognizing them as parents.

Brazil (2013)

• On May 16, 2013, Brazil’s National Council of Justice ruled that same-sex couples should not be denied marriage licenses, allowing same-sex marriages to begin nationwide. (Previously, about half of Brazil’s 27 jurisdictions had allowed same-sex marriage.)

• Since 2010, the law has allowed same-sex couples to adopt jointly, which grants them all parental rights and responsibilities.

• In April 2016, Brazil introduced a law requiring the birth certificate to list both parents without distinction—meaning no “mother” or “father” labels, just names back-to-back. In surrogacy cases, the birth mother’s name can also be omitted—streamlining recognition for intended same‑sex parents.

Uruguay (2013)

• On April 10, 2013, the lower house of Uruguay’s Congress passed legislation legalizing same-sex marriage, a week after the country’s Senate did so. The Law on Marriage Equality granted same-sex couples inheritance, social security, adoption, and parental rights, and followed Argentina as the second Latin American country to legalize same-sex marriage.

New Zealand (2013)

• On April 17, 2013, the New Zealand Parliament gave final approval to the Marriage Amendment Act that legalized same-sex marriage, making the Pacific island nation the 13th country in the world and the first in the Asia-Pacific region to allow gays and lesbians to wed and granted joint-adoption rights. The law took effect in August of 2013.

France (2013)

• On May 18, 2013, French President Francois Hollande signed into law The Marriage For All Act, legalizing same-sex marriage and making France the 14th country to grant gays and lesbians the right to wed. This act granted same-sex couples tax benefits, inheritance, and parental rights.

• With the Marriage For All Act, same sex couples can jointly adopt or adopt the biological child of one of the partners, known as “second parent adoption.”

Luxembourg (2014)

• On June 18, 2014, Luxembourg’s parliament, the Chamber of Deputies, overwhelmingly approved legislation with a 56-4 vote that allowed gay and lesbian couples to wed and to adopt children. The bill, which took effect in early 2015, was championed by the country’s openly gay prime minister, Xavier Bettel.

Scotland (2014)

• On Feb. 4, 2014, the Scottish Parliament voted 105-18 to legalize same-sex marriage. In addition to allowing same-sex couples to wed, the measure gives churches and other religious groups the option of deciding whether or not they want to conduct such marriages. The law took effect and same-sex couples began marrying in Scotland in December 2014.

• Even before legal same-sex marriage, the Adoption and Children (Scotland) Act of 2007 recognized a same-sex relationship as a “relevant couple” (either married, civil partners, or living together in an “enduring family relationship”) with adoption rights.

• In 2019, one in 12 adoptions in Scotland involved same-sex couples.

United States (2015)

• Eleven years after same-sex marriage was first made legal in Massachusetts, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the Constitution guarantees it throughout the country. The 5-4 decision rests in part on the court’s interpretation of the 14th Amendment, and states that limiting marriage only to heterosexual couples violates the amendment’s guarantee of equal protection under the law.

• Two years later, SCOTUS determined that Obergefell required that same-sex couples weren't just entitled to marriage certificates, but to birth certificates too.

• Masculine and feminine have been stripped from parenthood laws. Mother and father can be replaced by Parent one and Parent two on birth certificates or Parent A and Parent B in adoption.

• Intent-based parenthood now allows adults to assemble sperm, egg, and womb, and if they “intend” to parent the child, they get the baby even if they are not genetically related and without screenings or background checks.

Greenland (2015)

• Greenland, an autonomous territory of Denmark, was not subject to Denmark’s same-sex marriage law, which was enacted in 2012. Legislators, however, in Greenland passed a bill in May 2015 to legalize same-sex marriage on the world’s biggest island.

• In 2016, Greenland enacted Act No. 103, which officially recognized same-sex marriage and permitted joint adoption for same-sex couples.

Ireland (2015)

• On May 22, 2015, Catholic-majority Ireland became the first country to legalize same-sex marriage through a popular referendum. More than six-in-ten Irish voters (62%) voted “yes” to amend the Constitution of Ireland to say that “marriage may be contracted in accordance with law by two persons without distinction as to their sex.”

• In April of 2015, the Children and Family Relationships Act allowed any “parents,” including partners, cohabitants, and same-sex couples, to apply for guardianship of a non-biological child if they’d cared for the child for at least two years.

• Two years later, the Adoption Amendment Act permitted joint adoption for married or cohabiting partners. By May of 2020, the law allowed same-sex female parents and non-birth mothers to be legally named on a child’s birth certificate.

• Despite the lack of regulation, the Health (Assisted Human Reproduction) Act of 2024 legalized commercial and domestic surrogacy, making Ireland the first EU country to legalize commercial surrogacy.

Colombia (2016)

• On April 28, 2016, Colombia became the fourth country in Catholic-majority South America to legalize same-sex marriage, following Argentina, Uruguay, and Brazil. The country’s Constitutional Court, by a 6-3 vote, ruled that “all people are free to choose independently to start a family in keeping with their sexual orientation … receiving equal treatment under the constitution and the law,” according to the wire service Agence France-Presse.

• Immediately preceding this, and likely leading to it, in 2015, Colombia’s Constitutional Court overturned adoption restrictions, claiming that denying same-sex couples’ adoption rights “limits children’s rights to a family” (thereby redefining the fundamentals of a “family” before even officially legalizing same-sex marriage).

• Colombia has not passed a statutory law regarding surrogacy, but instead relies on judicial precedent that permits altruistic, gestational surrogacy. Colombia is often sought as “a surrogacy destination,” especially for LGBTQ+ individuals and same-sex couples.

Finland (2017)

• Same-sex marriage became legal in Finland in March 2017. The Finnish Parliament approved a bill legalizing same-sex unions in November 2014, and Finland’s president, Sauli Niinistö, signed the measure into law in February 2015. The bill started out as a “citizens’ initiative” — a public petition with a reported 167,000 signatures.

• The same-sex marriage bill of 2017 included legal rights for joint adoption. In 2019, Finland legalized automatic co-parent recognition for same-sex female couples utilizing assisted reproduction technologies, but surrogacy remains illegal.

Australia (2017)

• On Dec. 7, 2017, the Australian Parliament passed legislation allowing gay and lesbian couples to legally wed. The passage came just three weeks after Australians voted in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage, by a 62% to 38% margin, in a non-binding, nationwide referendum.

• While many individual states had already passed similar laws, Australia legalized same-sex adoption nationally in 2018.

Malta (2017)

• Malta’s parliament almost unanimously voted to legalize same-sex marriage in July 2017, despite opposition from the Catholic Church on the small Mediterranean island.

• Before this, an amendment to Malta’s Civil Code under section 12 granted same-sex couples joint-adoption rights in 2015.

• In 2018, amendments to the Embryo Protection Act permitted lesbian couples and single adults to use artificial reproduction technologies.

Germany (2017)

• On June 30, 2017, Germany became the 15th European country to enact legislation allowing same-sex couples to wed. The 393-226 vote passed the “Marriage for All” act into law, which not only authorized same-sex relationships as legal marriages but also granted same-sex couples full adoption rights.

• Prior to that, German law permitted second-parent adoption for same-sex couples.

• Germany recognized the link between marriage and parenthood and, by legalizing gay marriage, secured joint adoption of unrelated children, second-parent adoption, and equal parental rights and recognition for same-sex couples.

Ecuador (2018)

• After the Inter-American Court of Human Rights required signatory countries to recognize same-sex marriage in 2018, Ecuador’s Constitutional Court ruled that banning same-sex marriage was unconstitutional.

• Immediately prior, the Supreme Court ruled that a child born via assisted reproduction must be registered by the Civil Registry with both parents’ surnames, regardless of whether they are a same-sex couple. The registry must ensure equal treatment for families formed via assisted reproduction, including LGBTQ+ parents.

Taiwan (ROC) (2019)

• Taiwan became the first Asian country to legalize same-sex marriage in May 2019. The Marriage Equality Act permitted step-parent adoption.

• Four years later, in 2023, full joint adoption became legal for same-sex couples.

Austria (2019)

• Austria’s Constitutional Court found the ban on same-sex marriage unconstitutional in 2017, and two years later, on January 1, 2019, same-sex marriage became legal.

• In June 2022, the Austrian Constitutional Court further ruled that the requirements to establish parenthood for same-sex partners must not be stricter than those for opposite-sex couples.

Costa Rica (2020)

• Costa Rica became the first country in Central America to legalize same-sex marriage in May 2020.

• Costa Rica’s Family Code permits joint adoption when both partners apply. Thus, the legalization of same-sex marriage immediately included the right of joint and step-parent adoption for same-sex couples.

Cuba (2022)

• In 2022, Cuba passed, with 66% approval, a referendum on the Family Code, which legally changed the definition of marriage to: “Marriage is the voluntarily established union between two people.”

• The Code also granted same-sex couples parental rights, including joint and step-child adoption.

• The same code legalized altruistic surrogacy for heterosexual or same-sex couples, as well as individuals.

Andorra (2023)

• In 2022, Andorra passed a comprehensive Family Code reform that legalized same-sex marriage in 2023 and extended joint adoption and step-parent adoption to same-sex couples.

Mexico (2022)

• Same-sex marriage became legal nationwide in October of 2022, and since then, all 32 Mexican states have passed legislation recognizing same-sex marriage.

• Under the Marriage Act of 2022, joint-adoption and step-child adoption became nationally legal for same-sex couples.

Switzerland (2022)

• In 2020, Parliament passed the “Marriage For All” act that amended the Civil Code and received a 64% approval vote as a referendum in September 2021.

• The act became law in July of 2022, granting same-sex couples joint adoption.

Chile (2022)

• Chile legalized same-sex marriage on March 10, 2022, after legislation was passed in December 2021. With it, the law extended parental and adoption rights to same-sex couples, including both joint and step-parent adoption.

Slovenia (2023)

• In June of 2022, the Constitutional Court ruled that a ban on same-sex marriage violated the constitutional prohibition of discrimination. In October, the National Assembly passed legislation that granted same-sex couples full marital rights and came into effect on January 31, 2023.

• Under the new legislation, same-sex couples gained legal recognition for joint adoption, whereas previous legislation only permitted step-parent adoption.

Estonia (2024)

• On January 1, 2024, Estonia became the first Baltic country to legalize same-sex marriage after replacing the Registered Partnership Act of 2016, which granted legal protections but not full marital rights.

• Amendments to the Family Law Act provided spousal benefits, inheritance rights, joint taxation, and parental recognition to same-sex couples. Same-sex couples can now jointly adopt unrelated children or step-adopt the biological child of one of the partners.

Greece (2024)

• In February of 2024, the Hellenic Parliament passed the recognition of same-sex marriage into law with a 176-76 vote to replace the civil union law from 2015. The new legislation granted full marital rights and adoption to same-sex couples.

Liechtenstein (2025)

• Same-sex civil partnerships have been legal in Liechtenstein since 2011, but they did not include full marital or parental rights until January 1, 2025.

• Immediately prior, assisted reproductive access and step-parent and joint-adoption have been legal for same-sex couples since 2023.

Thailand (2025)

• Parliament passed the Marriage Equality Act in 2024, which received royal assent in August of 2024 and came into effect in January 2025. Under this law, same-sex couples received marital rights including registration, inheritance, tax and health benefits, and joint-adoption rights.

• Previously, Thailand was an international surrogacy destination, but laws in 2015 limited access to Thai residents upon recognizing the egregious exploitation of women and children. There are already calls to reopen the industry to accommodate homosexual couples.

When marriage policy shifts to reflect adult desires, children pay the price. Redefining marriage always means redefining parenthood, and with it, children lose their legal right to the mother and father who created them.

Respecting every adult does not require us to erase a child’s most basic need: the love and care of both mom and dad. Public policy should be built around that truth.

Now is the moment to stand with the growing movement of men and women who see the cost of tampering with foundational institutions, and who are willing to be equipped, informed, and courageous enough to defend the rights of children.

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Gay Marriage Must End: Greater Than Will Do It

Ten years of Obergefell has made one thing clear: the law cannot simultaneously uphold a child’s right to his or her mother and father while affirming same-sex marriage.

The Greater Than coalition, led by Them Before Us, exists to restore the primacy of the natural mother-father-child bond in culture and law. We will retake marriage on behalf of children to end the decade-long injustice they have suffered in three strategic ways.

Who is driving Greater Than?

From religious leaders, to policy makers, to influencers, Greater Than is conservatism speaking with one voice. What are we saying? Don’t touch the kids.

Who is saying it? Professor Robert George, Dr. Albert Molher, Michael Knowles of the Daily Wire, Allie Beth Stuckey of TheBlaze, Lila Rose, Family Research Council, Focus on the Family, the Colson Center, American Family Association, Josh Hammer of Newsweek, Joel Berry of the Babylon Bee, top legal scholars, state family policy centers, and many others.

Though we come from different disciplines and platforms, we are united by a shared recognition: the redefinition of marriage has made children “less than.” And together, we are saying, clearly and publicly, not on our watch.

Visit the Greater Than website. Take the quiz to see how well you understand what redefining marriage has actually done to children and society. Get clear answers to the hard questions about restoring marriage, and add your name to the effort to make children greater than adult feelings and identities once again.