My wife and I are currently navigating infertility. We went to a fertility clinic here in Colorado and were very quickly navigated towards IVF. When I told to physician that we did not want to pursue IVF he asked me why and I told him frankly that we are staunchly pro-life. He gave a very condescending "oh", made a note in his notebook and rushed to change the subject. My wife and I have both decided that we would rather remain without children then conceive them at the expense of other lives. After that decision I found Them Before Us and have found even greater support for our decision. I want to do hard things for our children, not force them to do hard things for my personal fulfillment or gratification. I have no right to children, I am not owed a child and especially not by any means necessary. If this means that we will never have children of our own then we will live with that consequence, as hard as it is.
While I do cringe at the use of the word "babies" for embryos, I also abhor the entire IFV and surrogacy industries. They are just that: "industries" ... that should have no place in human reproduction, whatsoever. Ever.
Your movement's title so refreshingly puts this in proper perspective: that it's all about the human beings we create, not about our own wants and desires. Thank you for doing this.
I am so grateful that you are bringing awareness to this situation that I also feel very passionate about. Thank you! I have been infertile for 12 years, have never done IVF, and never would. However, I think the reason people who are infertile find it hard to take this advice from someone who isn't infertile is not necessarily because they believe IVF is so good, but because there is a certain compassion that is understood. While I truly believe your motivation is good, I was a bit turned off by the tone of this piece. No woman wants IVF - it is a horrible process. They pursue it because they don't know they have options, feel isolated and unseen, and desire something that is very good (a child). That does *not* make IVF okay - ever, but I think this message can be more effective when considering how much suffering an infertile couple experiences on a daily basis and trying to draw them into community. Thank you, again, for your work and your voice!
Regardless of the subject no one knows everything. There is a saying "you can't see the forest because of the trees" meaning we could be so involved in a subject that we feel only our perspective is valid. Those with different perspectives might be able to offer input that was not previously considered, we won't ever know if we don't, at the very least, respectfully listen.
"You don't know what I'm going through" is just an excuse for bad behavior. If someone does know what they're going through, they'll think of some other excuse.
My wife and I are currently navigating infertility. We went to a fertility clinic here in Colorado and were very quickly navigated towards IVF. When I told to physician that we did not want to pursue IVF he asked me why and I told him frankly that we are staunchly pro-life. He gave a very condescending "oh", made a note in his notebook and rushed to change the subject. My wife and I have both decided that we would rather remain without children then conceive them at the expense of other lives. After that decision I found Them Before Us and have found even greater support for our decision. I want to do hard things for our children, not force them to do hard things for my personal fulfillment or gratification. I have no right to children, I am not owed a child and especially not by any means necessary. If this means that we will never have children of our own then we will live with that consequence, as hard as it is.
I've never owned slaves. Am I not allowed to speak against slavery?
They've never been personally impacted by Gaza's destruction. Are they not allowed to speak against it?
While I do cringe at the use of the word "babies" for embryos, I also abhor the entire IFV and surrogacy industries. They are just that: "industries" ... that should have no place in human reproduction, whatsoever. Ever.
Your movement's title so refreshingly puts this in proper perspective: that it's all about the human beings we create, not about our own wants and desires. Thank you for doing this.
I am so grateful that you are bringing awareness to this situation that I also feel very passionate about. Thank you! I have been infertile for 12 years, have never done IVF, and never would. However, I think the reason people who are infertile find it hard to take this advice from someone who isn't infertile is not necessarily because they believe IVF is so good, but because there is a certain compassion that is understood. While I truly believe your motivation is good, I was a bit turned off by the tone of this piece. No woman wants IVF - it is a horrible process. They pursue it because they don't know they have options, feel isolated and unseen, and desire something that is very good (a child). That does *not* make IVF okay - ever, but I think this message can be more effective when considering how much suffering an infertile couple experiences on a daily basis and trying to draw them into community. Thank you, again, for your work and your voice!
Regardless of the subject no one knows everything. There is a saying "you can't see the forest because of the trees" meaning we could be so involved in a subject that we feel only our perspective is valid. Those with different perspectives might be able to offer input that was not previously considered, we won't ever know if we don't, at the very least, respectfully listen.
"You don't know what I'm going through" is just an excuse for bad behavior. If someone does know what they're going through, they'll think of some other excuse.